The best way to spend your money


Gimme A Buck
How to gimme your hard earned money

Yup. You can get something in return..

See if you can find the secret area!

My Secrets Revealed. How I Make Money On The Internet
It's no secret I've made good money from this site. Now I'm prepared to share my experience with you!

Other Ways To Help
Don't have any money? You can still help!

See how much I've received!

Thoughts I've Received
Wanna read what people have to say about me and my website?

The Picture Mailbag!
I've just started scanning some of the letters I've received.

The FINAL Pitch
I promise - this is the last time I'll ask!

Contact Me
If you're not gonna Gimme A Buck.. at least send me a note!

Message Board


You found the secret link!

My Drivel & Other Useless Thoughts
Tips for millionares, my diet page, the website origin, find out if I'm nuts, and plenty of other somewhat funny stuff.



Rewards For Giving
Me A Buck


This website is built on the principle that people (me, specifically) should be able to get something for nothing.  However, I'm willing to abandon that principal in favor of prestige and/or wealth.

The prestige sellout starts at $10. For any amount over $10, I'll send you an email whose length in words is equal to the sum in dollars sent. I've entertained a few fantasies about being a successful writer.. and success as a writer, for me, is pretty much synonymous with being paid at least a dollar a word. If you send me ten bucks I'll send you a ten-word email. I get to feel like a real writer, and you get to feel like a real New Yorker.

I may even send you a bonus of a few words!

Click here if you're ready to Gimme A Buck (please)

The wealth sellout, needless to say, is more expensive - starting at $200. For this sum of money, I will gladly engage in any one of the following activities.

  • Spend one hour in an unpleasant location, impatiently watching a clock, not being permitted to hum or make personal calls. For an extra fifty dollars I will look busy.
  • Suck up to you, or the person of your naming, by laughing at any bad jokes, attributing inspiration to mundane ideas, and not flinching when you use words like 'proactive'.
  • Act in blatant contradiction to my tastes, and beliefs, depending on the sum given. Such activities include, but are not limited to, in ascending order of price:

Wearing suits. Attending office picnics. Posting wacky office humor above my desk. Pretending to be concerned with maximizing profits. Post wacky office humor above my desk that involves a kitten expressing disdain for Mondays. Watching up to three highly embarrassing ads on TV with my mom in the same room. (Like those excruciating maxi-pad commercials)

But wait! There's more!!  

Anyone who gives over $1,000 will receive a pamphlet authored by yours truly entitled "Ten Ways to Better Manage Your Money". 

In addition, anyone who gives over $10,000 will receive a t-shirt that says "I gave $10,000 to some guy on the net and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!" 

Special highroller bonus!

In addition to that, anyone who gives over $100,000 will be thanked heartily by my wife and myself IN PERSON!!! We will both fly directly to your town/village/city and shake your hand!!! (travel expense are extra).

Please!!  Act now!  An offer like this won't be around forever!

top of page

Just reach into your wallet, and gimme a buck today!

Contact Me

Click here to tell your friends and/or enemies about

Click here to find out how to link to this site!

Subscribe to my sporadic newsletter and laugh - sporadically!
More info

Smiling Line
Copyright 1998 - 2005.   All rights reserved.   I think.


I'm rich and I'm a Jerk! Click here to find out how you can become a Rich Jerk, too.